..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I think I sprained my soul last night
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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