Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Come see our sink grown plant.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Randomize
