yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
