dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
