i was born a porn star she said
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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