He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
