he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
