so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I FOUND THE LEGS
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
