Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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