I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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