I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I didn't notice because vodka
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
And then he peed in my hair
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