No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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