If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
We need to rekindle our bromance
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
