She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
