But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
