Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
