New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
