Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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