And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Randomize
