I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
