yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
