Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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