Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
