the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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