she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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