Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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