in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
