she woke up with a sticky ear
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
