Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
