how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
