I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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