I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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