He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
