I feel great
I just peed on a car
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
the raccoons are back...
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