Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
