and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
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Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
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I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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