Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
