Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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