Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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