so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
