why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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