it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
