I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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