I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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