I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
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I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
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Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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