So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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