It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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