Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea