There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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