I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
