I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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