I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
