Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
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My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
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I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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