My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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