so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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