at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
