You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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