that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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