i just sold back the books i vomitted on
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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