Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
