i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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