dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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