Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
