I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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