Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
