i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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