i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should my penis look like a turkey
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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